About the cheater
About the cheater

How These Cheating Husbands and Cheating Wives Operate

Affair at hotelThe most common types of infidelity involve a spouse who is seeing a single person. The next most common type tends to be two married people who engage in an affair. These people usually live in the same area and very often work together or have some work connection (supplier, vendor, contractor, etc.) They often have some reason to communicate that is not related to the affair and can act as some type of cover.

Although every situation is different, the most common times and places that they get together for sex is during the work day. They will meet in the morning, perhaps an hour or two before work or leave work early to do something at a client, etc. and meet. If one person is single, then his or her place is the most obvious meeting place. If they are two married people, the hotel / motel is the next most obvious place to go. Frequently they will have another person or project that can be a cover story, like a sports league, extra work assignment, project with a friend, etc. that will allow them to get away from you and be out for a few hours in the evening or on the weekend. Travel can also be an opportunity for the cheaters to meet up. A work conference, trade show, training that takes him or her away allows an excellent opportunity to hook up.

They use cash from the ATM machine when they need money to forward the affair. They change their grooming habits and take extra time getting ready before they meet. They have “cell phone problems” when you try and call. They hide behind the excuse that “you are crazy” when you ask about what they are up to. Most will deny everything until confronted with proof of the affair.

An unfaithful spouse will often be caught daydreaming. They buy new clothes, lose weight, go tanning, get a new hairstyle, groom more, lose sexual interest at home, suddenly stop complaining about things in your relationship that once bothered them, act more confident, develop new hobbies, friends, activities or projects that take them away from the house, etc. They also seem to have more energy and frequently, they will grow impatient on the weekends when at home. They seem to be anxious on the weekend and want the weekend to be over sooner. They will become guarded about their cell phone, maybe even get a new phone all together or a new e-mail. They will check e-mail or surf the web more often on the weekends and during the evenings. Although it sounds silly, they will even keep their car cleaner!

Adultery always involves lies. Your spouse is actually juggling many lies, maybe more than you know! He or she is lying to you about where they go, what they do, how they feel and they must weave this lie into most aspects of their life. They will think about the lie, the cover story, how you will react and the excuses they will give you constantly. An adulterer will also try and control all of the information you get along with monitoring you and your location. He or she does not want any accidental sightings or you to show up where you are not expected to be. It can become very complicated and, if they are smart about it, they will try and keep the lies and the truth very close to one another, mixing them up to keep you from noticing anything. He or she may also be lying to the other person. Frequently the “other woman” or “other man” are hearing a completely different set of lies from your cheating spouse. Your spouse is saying, “we are staying together until the kids get older and can accept things better” or “we are living in the same house but have separate bedrooms and we both date other people”. Perhaps your spouse even reports being single or widowed! You need to understand that the lies can be detected if you watch and listen closely to their stories and behavior. Keeping track of the little differences in his or her story can help you to learn the truth much faster.